My day with Petunia

I bought a new bike earlier this week and named the beauty Petunia. She's a lovely blue Schwinn cruiser. She's only a 3 speed which is fine for the most part, but she won't let me back pedal (put it in her butt), so I guess that's her only downfall. I wanted to get better acquainted with her, so I took her out, in hopes that she'd let me put it in her later.


We started out at Wicker Park. I figured we'd walk around and take in some nice scenery (bums and garbage).



Petunia, like Tommy, was more interested in watching kids play. Pervert.



She wanted to play chess, but no one would play against her. She's too good. Some call her Bobby Fisher.



I even took the skank to get Gelatto. That's a sure way to get in a girl's pants.



Then I gave Petunia my credit card and told her to go buy herself something nice. About an hour later, I walk outside my apartment and find this:



What a fucking slut. I leave her alone and she gets drunk with some dude? Well, you know what happened next. I locked her up like I do all my bitches. That'll learn her.



Heartbroken, I sat on my front porch, listened to Sean Kingston, and thought about Petunia and her asshole beau...
"You're way too beautiful girl, that's why it'll never work. You have me suicidal, suicidal when you say it's over..."





This post reiterates what my mom tells me constantly: I need a job.

Interested in Kate Winslet's boobs?

Ya, I thought so. Well, you can see plenty of them in a good movie that I watched last night called "Little Children." It's pretty entertaining and there's some quality T&A, so look it up. Not quite as entertaining as "Slither" but hey, you win some, you lose some. My favorite quote from "Slither" comes from the mayor:

"You can sue them, too. I don't care if you're a lesbo, you don't deserve this shit."

I'm going to post some pics within the next few days, so get ready. They won't be as good looking as Kate's chesties, but just remember, I'm only one lesbo. I mean person.

Men Will Abuse Women until It Stops Working

Promoter: Would you like a free L Magazine?
Woman: No, thanks.
Promoter: Bitch, it's free.
Woman: Oh, free? Well, why didn't you tell me? I'll take two.